Snelsonnetten

snelsonnet (nr. 5.006):

Groen, groener, groenst

Wat is de groenste regio op aarde?
Waar is het straatbeeld nog meer spic & span
Dan dat in Wales of Ierland of Japan?
Waar hecht men aan milieu de meeste waarde?

De jury van Communities in Bloom
Verschafte Weert (of all places) die roem

(Wie weet behoudt de stad de kaderschool
Nu hij getooid is met dit aureool)

... In 2012 en 2013 werd Weert verkozen als groenste stad van Nederland resp. Europa. Onlangs is het uit 6 genomineerde steden in 6 landen verkozen tot groenste stad ter wereld. Weert is ook bekend van de KMS, de onderofficiersopleiding van de Landmacht, die volgens plan na ruim 60 jaar verplaatst zou gaan worden naar Ermelo ...

Schrijver: Hendrik te Paske, 22 september 2014

info

gelegenheidsdichter.nl

Groen

Weert

KMS

2.0 met 4 stemmen

371

Er zijn 2 reacties op deze inzending:

Naam:: Hans Mooi
Datum:: 22 september 2014; Jammer dat de klemtoon in het woord 'places' hier (onterecht) op de tweede lettergreep komt te liggen. Ook blijft het de vraag of de Engelse 'oe'-klank in Bloom, rijmt op de Nederlandse 'oe-klank in 'roem'.

Naam:: Ettina J. Hansen
Datum:: 22 september 2014; Beste Hendrik, een leuk snelsonnet, maar ik verlies het ritme/metrum telkens in deze zin:
Verschafte Weert (of all places) die roem.

M.i. loopt het b.v. zo beter:
Verschafte Weert die allerschoonste roem.

'Of all places' is bovendien een overbodigheid, gezien de opsomming in de 1e strofe. Dus is heel goed weg te laten.
Ik hoop dat je er iets mee kunt!

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