Snelsonnetten

snelsonnet (nr. 844):

In vredesnaam

‘Het kan niet anders’, hoor ik heel de dag;
Toch vindt niet ieder dat een oorlog moet:
Geen ‘nicht gewußt’ en ook geen Duitsen bloed,
En dit keer zeker ook geen Franse slag.

Toch ben ik bang dat Bush de knop om zet,
Dan belt hij senior: ‘It’s in the bag, dad!’

... er is een Frans-Duits vredesplan in de maak ter voorkoming van de oorlog tegen Irak ...

Schrijver: René M. Broeders, 10 februari 2003

Geplaatst in de categorie: snelsonnet

oorlog

Irak

Bush

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Er zijn 2 reacties op deze inzending:

Naam:: mark
Datum:: 10 februari 2003
Email:: mark45hotmail.com; dan geef je de grap al weg,
vond de originele versie het beste,
klopt volgens mij wel gewoon.
complimenten aan mr. Broeders!

Naam:: Aubrey
Datum:: 10 februari 2003
Email:: a.amstelchello.nl; M'n complimenten voor de vele vondsten in dit korte gedicht.
Ik heb echter moeite met de laatste regel. Metrisch gezien heeft die de laatste lettergreep te veel,
waardoor het rijm ook niet klopt.

Mijn suggestie:

Dit past, zo vrees ik, niet in Bush z'n kader.
'It 's in the bag, dad,' belt hij straks z'n vader.

Wat vind je?

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